Insomnia and the night before the wedding

29 Oct

I should be asleep.  I went to bed, and went to sleep, and I’m even actually physically tired.  But, I’m also excited and tomorrow is the biggest day of my life.

Tomorrow, or really today now, is my wedding day, and I’m marrying my best friend.  I love him intensely, trust him totally, and find him to be my best fan.

So, it’s not a case of cold feet other than the kind caused by the chill of a late fall night and the rainstorm that struck just after sunset.

The things on my mind are actually probably silly.

One such thought is of the upcoming name change.  I’m changing my last name legally, but as far as the blog goes, my writing, and even my radio show…I’m known by the soon-to-be old name.  Should I change it?  Will it confuse people?

When Greg and I first discussed it a couple of years ago, the consensus was that I’d continue to use it as my “professional” name as it had essentially become a brand, after a sense.  Another part of me says that I SHOULD change it there too.  So now that it’s about 3 am on my wedding day, I’m wondering about it again.  Of course, like anyone with sense, Greg is sound asleep.  Waking him up  to ask him such a ridiculous question would not be what a considerate mate would do.  I do try to be considerate, even during bouts of pre-nuptial insomnia.

Then again, I can second guess that too.  After all, how often does one have pre-nuptial insomnia?  Unless you are like Elizabeth Taylor…not too often.  From what I’ve read and been told by friends…pre-nuptial insomnia is much more likely to be caused by the cold feet syndrome than worrying about name changes.

Another common thing for me to do when suffering from my bouts of insomnia that wake me in the wee hours is reading the news.  It used to put me back to sleep, but these days, it seems to cause me much more cause for worry than anything.  Maybe its a sign of becoming older, but it seems more…ominous these days.

Like this quote, from an article about the back lash resulting from increased bank fees for ATM cards: Take care of yourself so when your bank introduces a new fee, your grocery store increases the price of a gallon of milk, your landlord raises your rent, or your insurance rates go up, these increases don’t affect your quality of life or your ability to plan for the future.  ( )  Good grief, with the combination of job lay offs, high unemployment, inflation, increased taxes, and bank bail outs…who can say that their quality of life has NOT been affected?  I know that I am definitely NOT doing as well financially as I was even five years ago.  Five years ago, you’d never see ramen noodles in my shopping cart.  My dogs ate premium food, I didn’t have to worry about vet bills being financially devastating for them either.  I went out to eat at a five star restaurant at least once a month with friends…for no special reason other than the experience of fine dining.  I wasn’t crushed by my portion of the bill even hitting $50 back then.  Now…I know the bargain joints for a “dining experience” on the few occasions we DO dine out.

These days, I notice and cringe at a $1 increase in the price of a can of Folgers.  I shop very frugally, and pay attention to prices.  I know that the “large” or so-called “economy” size is often not the most economical size by the per ounce price too.  I buy much more carefully, and I’ve learned to also pay attention to my receipts.  Computers often make errors, much more often than most people realize, and overcharge customers dramatically on items listed on sale as well as regularly priced items.  Just last week, I was refunded over $8 on a single overcharged item, but you need to pay attention BEFORE you go home.  Check that receipt before you even put the items into your car (best before you even leave the store.)

Gas is another item I shop for carefully.  There is no sense in driving out of my way to save less than a nickle per gallon, or I’ll waste more gas than I’ll save.  I know too, which local stations have the lowest prices, and that we have the lowest prices here rather than at neighboring towns.  I am best served to combine getting gas with other pre-departure errands to save what little I can save on gas purchases, as the $.20 per gallon difference we commonly see adds up when you are buying 18 gallons.  ($3.60 per fill up if you are buying 18 gallons.)  It’s like getting over a gallon free if I buy it locally and off the interstate.

Which reminds me, we need to get gas before we head off to the wedding in the morning.

I should be sleeping blissfully.  After the unexpected glitch of our original minister to perform the service today…we had immense difficulty in finding a new minister at the last minute.  They either were busy, required six months of counselling prior to the service, were unwilling to perform the service at a “hippy” wedding on the beach, or unwilling to perform the service for persons who were not of their faith (as in members of their church.)  We actually had a plan b ready–we were going to have a service at the wedding, and then to satisfy the requirements of the State of Mississippi, we would have had a civil marriage on Monday with a judge.  It was impossible at that point to change the wedding day, and that was the only solution.

But I got lucky.  I found Rev. Linda Giardelli, gave her a call…and she could do the service at the appointed hour, as she didn’t have another service for several hours afterwards.  She’s also a perfect fit, and if our minister friend couldn’t do the service, she is the one we would have wanted to begin with.  She was also delighted with the idea of our hippy beachside wedding, and didn’t mind the request for informal attire.

The clothes don’t give the ceremony any more (or less) meaning.  The hippy costumes don’t mean we don’t take our vows seriously or that we are making fun of marriage.  We have given great consideration to the whole idea, and had plenty of time to reconsider too.  Besides, we’ve done marriage “boot camp” in a way that might be good for any and all couples to consider.

We’ve lived in a travel trailer together for over a year.  Believe me, if you have any issues with your partner, in small spaces, you WILL find them.  Heck, to even MOVE around, we have to tell Red Dog to move.  We not only live in a travel trailer, we live in one with three dogs and two cats.  I also have to point out that the third dog arrived long after we moved into the travel trailer, not as a “chosen” dog, but as a rescue that appeared in my daughter’s rural neighborhood after apparently being dumped there, unwanted and forgotten.  He came home with us after being de-ticked, de-flea-ed, and bathed…still emaciated and obviously suffering after his period of deprivation.  I don’t know how he survived, at only five pounds, he was prey to even a hawk, let alone the other roaming dogs, coyotes, and everything else.

People who say they don’t have room for a dog or another dog…don’t really want to be bothered with it.  We really didn’t have room, and we really couldn’t afford him…but we included him anyhow.  He’s sleeping snuggled up with Greg right now.  He was doing his best “I’m pathetic and cold” soft whine in his crate this evening…and I put in the good word to let him have bed privileges tonight, after a trip outside to make sure he didn’t need to go for several hours of sleep.

Okay, maybe I wasn’t a really considerate mate…I made Greg take him outside.  I was already half asleep, and doing my own pathetic whine about the idea of having to take a small dog outside at 1 am.  Greg’s much better at doing comical complaints at that hour.  I complain less at 7 am than he does, so I guess it balances out.

I hope so anyhow.

There are days though, when I think that he should be getting a purple heart instead of a wedding ring tomorrow.  I’m not easy to live with, and since I was injured, have more “I can’ts” than I am necessarily comfortable with.  He has been a trooper from the beginning though, helping me with anything and everything I needed help with, no matter how much I may have been embarrassed about needing the help.  He fusses over me, worries about me more than my mother, and shows how much he cares in thousands of ways each and every day.  That isn’t to say we never fight, we do occasionally, but they aren’t long winded or dramatic fights, by anyone’s standards.  I think anger and disputes are a natural part of any relationship, and its important for a couple to learn how to cope when they do occur.  Sitting here now, I try to remember the last time we did have a fight, and what it was about.  I can’t remember what it was about, actually.  I think it was something that when tempers cooled turned out to be pretty irrelevant, and not worth the fuss to begin with.  That’s also the usual way with fights–they are rarely worth the energy they cost.

Now that’s not to say we agree on everything–we don’t.  Far from it.  We just usually keep it at a low simmer, more of a good natured argument than anything resembling a real dispute.  We accuse each other of not being open minded about an idea, of being stubborn, etc. but just not in anger.  It’s almost like a game and rarely do we let things get too fiery.  I’ve also learned–let him fuss and fume the first hour he is up and while he is working on a project.  He makes a lot of noise, but it’s usually not really directed at me.  He is NOT a morning person.  That’s not to say I’m a cheerleader 24/7 either.  There are times when I KNOW he is deserving a purple heart for just surviving my company.  I can be a “booger bear” to live with.

So with that, and thinking about the vows we’ll exchange today, I’ve worked through the insomnia, and now…I’m getting very sleepy again.  It’s also going on 4 am now…and the alarm will be going off all too soon when you’ve spent an hour up staring at the computer screen after waking up and staring at the ceiling in the dark.  I’ll sneak back in bed, and after the alarm goes off…Greg will grumble about my nocturnal wandering.  I’ll shrug–it’s not an uncommon thing for me to do, nor for him to be aware of it, even if he seems to be sleeping soundly.  It’s all part of my secret plan to put him up for sainthood, I suppose.  Although I hear you stand a much better chance if you are Catholic…I never claimed to have perfect plans, right?


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