Being the bride, when things go wrong–Just Breathe!

27 Oct

Just breathe, consciously and deeply.

Recently, Desmond Green was my guest on the Dawn of Shades.  He advocates breathing consciously, as our breath is our most primal need, as well as the Universe’s investment in us.  Our breath is the very sign of its investment and our limitless wealth.  He’s amazingly serene, and that serenity is also the goal of most people, and something that brides, no matter what their age is, are usually in short supply of that final week before The Big Day.

That final week is when things go can go wrong.  Things that were unexpected and unpreventable and often sort of “unfixable.”

In our case, it was the minister who was going to perform the service.  A serious family illness has called her away.  Someone suggested “forcing” her to name a replacement.  That might work if it was merely a “hired preacher” but in our case, it’s a friend, and how can even a Bridezilla do something like that during a genuine crisis?

I couldn’t.  That meant a frantic search was embarked on to find a replacement and the first twenty four hours of the search has told us something.

We aren’t likely to find one.  Not this close to the wedding date, not when it’s a Saturday wedding.

So that means coming up with a plan b.  At first, the panicked mind cannot conceive of a plan, after all, the three primary components to a wedding is the official, the bride and the groom.  We don’t have the official.

Or is it?

The real primary ingredients to a wedding is the bride, the groom, and their family and friends.  The official is there just to make it legal, really.  It can be anybody…or nobody.  The wedding isn’t about satisfying LEGAL requirements, it’s about celebrating the marriage of two people and making their public statement.  Any stuffed shirt can mumble the legal vows and sign the document.  In addition, in many countries, the legal ceremony that marries you in the eyes of the LAW is totally separate from the religious ceremony to marry you in the eyes of your family, friends, and religious community.  It might not even be held on the same day.

We had planned our wedding with an eye to a fun event shared with our families and friends.  We wanted to celebrate Universal Love, Peace, and allow everyone’s inner child to come out to play.  We have the hippy theme, fun clothes, fun and yummy food, family, friends, a beach, the Gulf of Mexico, and the beautiful weather of October on the Gulf Coast all in our favor.  In addition, a significant part of getting married is the ability to adapt to adversity together.   Our wedding will go on, whether it’s legal in the eyes of the State of Mississippi or not.

The “or not” part just comes into play later.  If it’s minus the official who can sign the wedding license, we will merely get someone who IS legal to sign it on Monday.  Not a big deal, really.  After all, we’d always said we’d get married on Halloween anyhow, so it’s almost like the Ladies of Fate are up there smirking at us and preventing us from doing otherwise, no matter what our plans are.

On the plus side, it gives us TWO wedding anniversaries too, right?  TWO opportunities for the husband to NOT forget, along with the obvious reminders everywhere of it’s approach, since one is on Halloween…and Halloween decorations appear in August to start reminding him of the upcoming occasion.

A big part of the wedding plans have fallen apart, through no fault of anyone.  We thought we’d taken care of that part way back when we set the date.  No one could foresee what happened, it’s not anybody’s fault.  It’s just one of those things that happens without regard to anyone’s plans or timing.  We didn’t choose for things to go wrong.

We can, however, choose our reactions.  That’s always within our control.  And one tool in anyone’s arsenal is their breath.  Desmond Green is right about that, it is the Universe’s investment in us, and it’s limitless as long as we live.  Deep, conscious breathing does a lot for maintaining one’s tranquility and serenity.  It’s also probably very good for us.

I’ll admit, it took some deep breaths from me to regain my tranquility after that moment of initial panic when I got the message.  I’ll probably have to take a few more as we work towards the Big Day with our final preparations too.  Even with our “Keep it Simple” philosophy about the entire event, we are doing our own catering…and I’m even doing some of the cooking over the next 48 hours.  Greg has things to get done before the Big Day too, and while he is a much more tranquil person than me in many ways…he can swear like a sailor as he vents over the small stuff.  (Okay, that makes me crazy, but I’ve learned…stay clear of mechanical projects as they will induce swearing.  What I don’t hear, doesn’t stress me out!)

So just breathe.  Deeply.  Consciously.  Realize with every fiber of your being that you can do it over and over again, that the universe has provided all the air you will ever use.  It’s the investment in your being, it’s your capital to build on, and then there is my mantra too, for when things go wrong.

This too shall pass.

No matter how good it is, no matter how bad it is…it shall pass.  Whether you want it to or not, it’s only a moment in time, and we all live many moments.  We can’t hang onto one more than a moment, and none of them last more than a moment.  All of them pass into the next.  I’m not young anymore, and I’ve seen many moments pass, including some I never wanted to end, as well as some that I wish never had happened.  Either way, they all passed.

I’m a survivor, and a small glitch like the inability to get a replacement preacher is NOT going to take away from one of the happiest events of my life.  I love Greg very much, he’s my best friend, and celebrating our marriage is a big deal to me.  (And to him!) If we need to visit a JP chamber on Monday to make it legal, it’s not really that much of a big deal.  It’s not like it means one of us  has to give up a limb.

So we’ll exchange vows with a friend acting in lieu of a preacher.  We’ll laugh with our family and friends, we’ll all have stories about the wedding to share for the coming years.

Most of all, Greg and I will know…we really wanted to get married, no matter what happened along the way!

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2 Responses to “Being the bride, when things go wrong–Just Breathe!”

  1. giascott October 27, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    Breathing deeply–it’s easy on the beach anyhow, right?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. - Biloxi-Gulfport & South Mississippi News - October 27, 2011

    […] See the original article here: Being the bride, when things go wrong–Just Breathe! […]

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