Jonathan Stripmall Seagull

10 Sep

I love it when I figure something out.  It’s great.  I love to share my moments of illumination with others too.

So…here’s the latest.

I have figured out why the obnoxious seagulls haunt stripmalls and discount mart parking lots.  It all came about when we recently had the first opportunity to take our granddaughter out for the day.  It had been over twenty years since I’d shared my life with an infant, so there were a lot of things that had been forgotten over time.

One of them was the car seat.

Now car seats weren’t mandatory when my daughter was an infant, and people thought I was a bit odd with my insistence that she ride in one, but that was okay.  Even with my peculiar insistence on its use, I’d have received a ticket by today’s standards.  I was prone to remove her from the seat while driving for a variety of reasons ranging from changing her to feeding her.

Today, you can’t do that.  You stop before removing child for any reason besides an immediate medical emergency.  For fussiness and the “I’m about to starve to death” things, you pass them something to satisfy while they are still strapped into their car seat.

I don’t care what kind of “cookie” or “biscuit” it is, combined with small human offspring, a bottle or sippy cup, and gravity…that chair is going to be disgusting…with chunks, and baby, they won’t be crispy!

So, parent or grandparent arrives at the destination store for shopping, spends the five minutes extricating child from restraint system, (Longer for grandparents and aunts, shorter for parents who practice a lot) another thirty seconds is spent tossing chunks into the parking lot in hopes of sparing the car seat and further contamination.

Seagulls aren’t stupid.  They spend a lifetime in pursuit of food, and the easier it is to obtain, the better.  Parking lots out rank beaches in terms of easy food, with all of those chunks and pieces of cookies, biscuits, and cereal landing there, occasionally accented by a french fry, chicken nugget or sample of burger.  If pickings are slim, there is also the front grills and the banquet of insects and occasional birds.  Loud and pathetic calling can also occasionally reap rewards from gullible suspects.

And that, my friends, is the explanation for Jonathan Stripmall Seagull.

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