Sealed with blood?

1 Sep

We started the slow process of getting a marriage license in Mississippi.  I guess they want to make sure you don’t “marry in haste.”  They are also one of the two states out of fifty that still require a syphilis test prior to marriage.  Of all the things to test for, I find syphilis the least of my worries and the more foolish of tests.  It’s as though we are still stuck in 1939 here sometimes.

For most people, the whole blood test thing is a prick in the arm, about 30 seconds of discomfort, and they are done.  It is like that for me…sometimes.  About 80% of the time, it is nothing like that.  Today was one of the 80% days.

Multiple technicians, both arms in the crook of my elbow (along with that so-comfortable tourniquet!) and both hands…and I was so tense  you could have played guitar on my back muscles.  They poked and dug, as though they were searching for gold…and no blood was found.

It really was as if I had no blood at all, the pricks themselves didn’t bleed usually.  (My right hand did…almost two whole drops after the first round!)  I had cotton balls taped all over, but no blood marred their sanitary white surfaces.

All I could do is try to stay still, be cooperative, look the other way or close my eyes and hiss when it hurt badly.  They dug deep, and they dug shallow, and finally…managed to milk my hand like a cow’s udder to get about a third of what Greg’s arm willingly donated in a few seconds.

Now we wait a week for the return of our “certified” results.  Once we receive them, we can take them to the county courthouse and the clerk of the court, where we’ll then fill out the application for the marriage license.  In another bizarre twist of legal stuff, it seems the blood test results are only good for 30 days, but once you get that marriage license, it is good forever.  We can get married this year…or a hundred years from now.  Go figure!

The blood tests cost us $30.25 and was paid with our debit card.  The marriage license is another $22 and has to be paid in cash.  So cheap to get married, and so expensive to get a divorce or annulment for making a mistake.  Somehow, that seems reversed.  I remember seeing a reality show recently at someone’s house about a wedding chapel in New Orleans.  A drunken couple showed up to get married, and she was definitely a Bridezilla.  Drunk, jealous, and belligerent.  Yeah, that’s a match made in heaven, right?

Maybe there are some advantages to this marriage license requirement to get some of our blood first.  At least there’s plenty of time to sober up, right?

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