Getting hitched

29 Mar

GM & I are not legally married.  Well, we might be…sort of?  I’m not sure about Mississippi’s common law marriage laws, but according to popular rumor, we’re married in the eyes of the state.  Officially married or  not, we do have a committed relationship.  We just haven’t gotten around to the legality of it all.  Permits, ceremonies, all of that, really are not our forte’.

The other night, we happened to be out to dinner with some friends.  We had gone to one of those fancy joints that we frequent…you know the sort, TV in the corner of the room?  Yeah, obviously we weren’t worried about crumbs on the table cloth there.

But to get to the point…there was a program that came on, something about “My Big Fat Redneck Wedding.”

Now GM & I both have a sense of humor, and while getting married is a serious business, in one sense, because of how long we’ve been engaged and living together, we’ve done the serious stuff and we do that serious stuff every single day.  Considering a wedding with a tongue in cheek sort of mood isn’t about being disrespectful or disregarding the seriousness of the commitment, but more about sharing a good time and laughs with our friends and family because we’ve already illustrated our seriousness.  Our wedding wouldn’t and couldn’t be a “big deal” because of our ages and situation.  We also live a very long ways from the majority of our family and even many of our friends.  In this economy, how many would be able to afford to drive all the way to Mississippi for a wedding?

My niece is getting married herself in Montana this summer.  She’s a beautiful young lady, and has been with this young man for a number of years.  I don’t know him, so I’ll just have to go by the fact that I think my niece is a beautiful and smart girl, and if she has chosen him, he must be worthy.  It’s a lot easier to do that too when its not your own daughter.  With your own daughter, NOBODY is ever good enough.  That’s just the facts, folks.  They are never going to be what your daughter deserves.    (Sorry, RLR , if you are reading this…it is a fact and you should know this from being in the father shoes.  NOBODY is going to be good enough, period!)

I’m lucky.  My mom likes GM.  She doesn’t think he’s perfect, but she doesn’t want to kill him.  Yet.  Give her time, I’m sure.  She IS my mom!  I’m also lucky, in a sad way.  GM’s mother passed away before we were engaged.  She can’t hate me.  He’s also convinced she’d probably like me.  Whew.  My dad is also deceased, although he did know about GM, he never had an opportunity to meet him.  If we’re lucky, my stepmother will meet him this summer.  She’ll like him, because she’s easy going and naturally generous.  She’s also my stepmother, which means she’s a bit clearer headed about the whole getting hitched thing in regards to me.  She can be a typical mom with her own son and daughter, both of whom are currently divorced, single, and dating according to the family grapevine.

Way back when I was a smart alec teenager, I often stated that IF I got married, I wanted to wear jeans, a flannel shirt, and a pair of boots to my wedding.  I didn’t do that with my first marriage, which obviously ended in divorce years ago.  This time, I’m considering it.  Not out of disrespect for the whole thing, but rather like a good luck charm.  GM & I have a fantastic relationship, and I really want it to stay that way for a few decades at least.  I’d be marrying my best friend.  Why not a bit of luck too?  We all know that marriage takes work, but a bit of luck never hurt either!

With that in mind, the concept of a “Big Fat Redneck Wedding” might not be such a bad idea.  I had been saying all along that we would have a somewhat “hippie” style wedding, and sometimes…there isn’t a lot of difference between the two ideas in terms of what we’d do at a wedding.

Now in the TV program, the bride arrived by tractor.  That’s out.  I don’t drive tractors and never have, and we don’t own one.  No tractors…

But who’s to say I don’t arrive by four wheeler or a bicycle?  Dressed in my overalls, flannel shirt and boots?  GM looks GREAT in overalls anyhow, they just suit him.  I think its a case of lots of pockets and they can’t fall down.

We don’t know any preachers or judges with a ZZ Top sort of look in Mississippi, so I wouldn’t be able to find us one with a long beard.  We do have a friend in Alabama who can perform marriage ceremonies, but we’re thinking about doing it in our  home state of Mississippi anyhow.  I guess we’d just have to use whoever we can find that’s going to be agreeable to the whole thing.

For the reception portion, we don’t really know that many people, so a barbecue would be an easy way to feed everyone.  I don’t know where we would find a goat to butcher either, so I may not be able to have a pit roasted goat here.  BUT…there are a lot of wild pigs.  I could try to coax some of my hunting friends into trying to get a pig for it.  If that plan failed, we’d have to make do with grocery store pork roasts.  With beans, fry bread, plenty of sauce, some salads, some salsas, and the wedding cake…we’d be all set.

The wedding cake.  We have to have a wedding cake.  I’d recruit my daughter to be creative in that department.  No John Deere green like the TV wedding, but maybe something swampy and camping-ish and fishing-ish and bicycling-ish.  I can’t see us with a traditional white fancy cake either.  Tiers would work–we could then have a layer of carrot cake, a chocolate layer AND a vanilla layer–and that would mean everyone would find something tasty in the selection.  The groom’s cake would have to be ultimate chocolate though–GM is a devout chocoholic.

The TV wedding had beer streaming down a channel cut in a block of ice.  Okay, nice for them, but not really suitable for us.  We rarely drink.  A large block of ice like that would also be expensive.  I would say we’d be better off with a non-traditional version of a punch bowl with non-alcoholic beverages…and something on the side for those who’d like to spike theirs.  Maybe we could put spigots on a five gallon bucket?  I’d have to think on something outrageous for the “punch bowl” alternative.  I already know we’d need coffee, sweet tea…and something else.

In all reality, probably the most efficient way for us to handle it would be to simply get married at the courthouse, then on the following Saturday, host our grand reception.  I’m not sure where we’d do that at yet, but there are some lovely parks that would easily be transformed into our hippie/redneck reception location.  We’d undoubtedly have a lot of fun, even if our music was merely a cd in a boombox, and our drinks were no stouter than sweet tea and coffee.


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