Today is a big day. My granddaughter is FINALLY getting released to go home, a long haul since she was born on October 18th. But, I’m not going to be a pesky grandmother tonight–they haven’t even left the hospital yet, it has been an all day process to get her discharged. Instead, I’m staying home and being a good mother-of-the-new-mother. It’s mostly selfishness, by the way.
Tonight is Tuesday evening, and each and every Tuesday evening, I host a radio program. My topic? Paranormal discussions, primarily, although anything “alternative” is apt to catch my interest. This month, I’m doing a run on aliens and alien abductions, along with related topics. Last week was Eve Lorgen, the author of Love Bites. Tonight is Anya Briggs, a psychic medium and contactee herself.
I have an odd way of doing the show, I suppose. I don’t have set questions barring one single one, the same identical one for each guest…and the first one of the program. I ask them to introduce themselves to the audience. Maybe its a cop-out, but it does make sure that anything the guest considers to be important about themselves is mentioned. I don’t give them a time limit, and the amount of time has varied incredibly. One guest went on for 23 minutes…a few have taken about 23 seconds. Most take 1-3 minutes to hit the highlights or important points.
The rest of the show is done very casually, I tell everyone it is just like you sat down with me for a cup of coffee/tea/whatever and we’re talking. Sometimes, we’re interrupted with a question from the audience, who actually get to feel like they are eavesdropping in on a private discussion. It’s intimate, real, and fun for everyone. It isn’t hard hitting journalism where I’m attacking anybody, it’s really about sharing. Sometimes, the emotions get very intense–I’ve cried during programs, and so have guests. I’ve laughed…a lot. So have my guests. I’ve never had a guest refuse to come back, so they must all enjoy it too!
Some programs are very emotional, some are more clinical, some are informational, and some are sheer fun and joy. It’s a real mixture of stuff, topically, guest wise, and to a degree, perhaps even style wise. It does stay conversational in the way we talk, but the topic does greatly influence how we get there. The two hours always flies by too! A lot of guests don’t think they can manage to talk for two hours, and then are utterly amazed when the show is over so quickly!
I don’t make money doing the program, it costs me. I pay all of the related expenses for arranging the guests, making phone calls, etc. It’s technically “produced” by UFO Paranormal Radio Network, who actually calls both me and the guest, then connects us via a server to the internet radio network, and then records the program. Sometimes the quality of the recording isn’t what I’d like it to be! UPRN has advertisers and donors to help defray their expenses, whereas my expenses get few donations, whether its for replacing computers destroyed by lightening, paying for server space so people can listen to the edited programs free of charge, paying for the website’s expenses so people can get information from that, or any of the million other small expenses that are connected with the radio program.
We do try using various ways to help. We have an Amazon store on our website that sells a variety of goods. When people purchase through it, we get a tiny percentage in return for the web space we use to advertise it. (We haven’t seen any dividends from it yet.) We use various sponsored advertisement companies on our website, blogs, and Tweets on our Twitter accounts, and gain a few dollars there. We have tried other advertising portals that have not paid off, and yet required continual updating and revision, aggravating me endlessly with the need to find the ads on a website that is really too large for only two people to maintain in their spare time. That’s about it, barring review copies of books that we receive, and which are likely to end up donated to a library at some point. Our downsized quarters means that we have limited shelving room for books, so if a book survives the final cut, it has to have long term use benefits. I suspect we still buy more books than we receive as review copies too!
If anyone demanded an answer as to why I do this radio program, I would have to answer that its mostly because I enjoy it. Obviously, right? It is fun, I talk to interesting people and get a very unique insight into a lot of new ideas. Some are ideas that I’m not real comfortable with, others are ones I can easily embrace. New ideas are a good thing, it continually forces me to re-examine my own perception of the world and define my parameters of belief. That means, in quick words, that I have to keep an open mind and this prevents me from closing it.
It also offers a sense of structure to my life. This past year, as I have been recovering from my injury, days all seem alike. Tuesday is now a red letter day, I have to be “with it” on Tuesdays. I have to go through the steps to make sure that each Tuesday works smoothly too. Dinner is early on Tuesdays too. Retirees will completely understand that little problem, I’m sure, as well as why structure can be a stress reliefing addition to one’s life.
Structure…my dogs and cats offer that too. They require certain things at certain times, and they don’t care what day it is or how bad I’m feeling. They don’t even get why I get grumpy due to the pain, or why I want to sleep late after a bad night. GM is always a help with them, dealing with potty breaks and heavy bags of litter or food, and all the million other things that typically required two arms to successfully accomplish. I would be sunk without him!
It does make me sad that I can’t pick up my granddaughter. Yeah, at five pounds, I can’t manage her weight safely. For her or me. I can hold her, if she’s handed to me so I can cradle her in my left arm. I haven’t tried to ever feed or or do any other caretaking tasks, but she’s just getting released from the hospital today. I suspect her mama is going to be a little mama bear, and rarely let her out of her sight anyhow! It frightens me a little when I realize that it has been almost a year since I was injured, and yet…I can’t pick up a five pound baby no matter how much I would love to do so. I can’t help but question whether I will ever be able to do so.
So don’t take a strong constitution and ability to do things for granted. It can be taken away from you faster than you can blink your eyes, and yet, that moment will replay in your head over and over until you want to scream. Soon, I’m going to be forced to make decisions regarding my disability, as the reality is that if I have not regained use of my right arm in a year, I want clear answers as to whether recovery is likely. I never dreamed that I would ever be in a situation where I would use the term “disability” in the same sentence as myself, and wearing that label isn’t exactly a cozy spot for me. I tried using a sling shot over the weekend. It’s tough, I couldn’t figure out how to manage it from the hip, and I can’t stick my arm straight out in front of me and resist the pull of the band to fire an acorn at a tree. With my elbow tucked in against my body, which is my strongest position, pulling back to fire the acorn is tough too. I managed to nail the tree most of the time from twenty feet. A big tree.
Once, I could have nailed a sparrow at ten yards without thinking about it. At fifty yards, I could nail a dog hard enough to get their attention. Rock chucking was another popular past time when I lived in Arizona, we had a lot of rocks there. I was lethal as a kid, and as an adult, I’d chuck rocks with my son. There was something exhilarating about winging a rock at a tree and hearing the repeated thump as I did it over and over. When I was really stressed out and angry at the world, like after my son’s death, I could throw rocks at a bush and rage as loud as I wanted…without hurting anyone’s feelings or leaving them feeling helpless at this vision of an insanely angry and grieving woman. That rock chucking was a physical release, and with it, I could release emotions galore. The verbal abuse delivered to the bush along with the rocks was just garnish, accents for the physical act of throwing the rock and putting all of my anger into that act. Was it silly? Probably, but it got me through the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. It didn’t harm anyone, not even the tough saltbushs that I was stoning. As for wildlife, they vacated the area long before I had assembled my pile of rocks to begin the stoning with. I still think it was probably one of the healthiest coping mechanisms I can think of even now for dealing with the impossible nature of grief at losing a child.
So with all of that, it’s not much over an hour before the radio program tonight starts, so I had best get my final preparations ready. Coffee helps make the experience for me, so I’ll need some of that. I’m honestly looking forward to the program tonight–talking with Anya before the program was good, I guess you’d call those brief pre-show calls my litmus test for the guests. I usually have a good idea of how the interview is going to go from that initial contact. Maybe that’s my psychic gift? Who knows! I have been accurate on most occasions, but maybe its a case of my expectations about the program are likely to influence the outcome too. In either case, I’m anticipating a really good program tonight with Anya! So, consider this blog a personal invitation to come listen, and if you miss the initial live version, you can catch the unedited version at www.paranormalradionetwork.org Just scroll down through the list (in chronological order) until you find the Dawn of Shades. Listening there is also free!