Software Hates, Smokey Robinson the cat, & everything else

27 Apr

Okay all you software marketers & packagers out there.  I hate video tutorials.  They are slow, impossible to refer back to for a specific question, not ever indexed, and just generally irritating.  I don’t want to spend 4 hrs sitting passively staring at something that I won’t remember when I actually get to play with the software.  Another thing, when you include “how-to” or quick starts, for God’s sake, don’t put something in there that isn’t in the actual packaged software.  It really makes the consumer question the accuracy of every bit of documentation after the first error.

Three hours of playing, and I managed to accomplish copy & paste.  Should I be proud?  No, I’m aggravated.  I still haven’t figured out how to change the background color (graphics software).  So I can play with clip art, whoop de do.  So, I set aside, and have begun to realize that I’m progressing about as fast as a kid in school would learn a software program.  Slowly.  I should be able to create a banner in about 6 weeks, if it is simple, at this rate.  It won’t be because a “help” file contains anything about background color.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, by the way.  In case you can’t tell.  It’s rare that I wake up in a foul mood, but today, I did.  Slamming doors and stomping feet, followed by banging in the kitchen and growling at the  dog.  The only one who didn’t care was Smokey Robinson, also known as the cat.  I have two cats, but he’s usually The Cat.  Smokey has no idea that he was an “unwanted child.”  He doesn’t care.

Smokey arrived during the first cold snap of the fall, perched by the fence of a parking lot, terrified and crying…and crying and crying.  My daughter was visiting, and she spent two nights outside, trying to coax one scared & feral kitten to come to her.  She caught him at the end of the second night’s vigil, and Smokey was incarcerated in my bathroom.

He wasn’t happy.  He made his unhappiness about confinement known, and demolished the bathroom.  I sighed, got him vaccinated, got him neutered the week his testicles dropped, and had him up for adoption.  He was the second cat, and I had few illusions.  The chances weren’t good that when my daughter flew home, minus this annoying kitten, that I’d ever find him a home.

One day, gloomy Cali was observed pinning down the annoying kitten she had been hissing at for weeks, and giving him a bath despite his protests.  She mothered him, despite the fact she had never had kittens before she was spayed, still a kitten herself.  He slept with her, played with her, fought with her, and got bathed by her.  I sighed, and decided he could stay, and officially removed him from the adoption list, resigned to being a two cat household.

Over two years later, when I go to bed, he RUNS to jump on the bed, and he waits for his special treat-me petting him with my feet.  I’m a bonafide klutz, me petting him with my feet is really more like a mauling by foot.  He purrs, nudging my feet when I stop, finally laying down, his nose pushed against my bare feet, drooling slightly.  I wonder why my cats are fascinated with my feet or my shoes (Cali loves my shoes.)  As I work on the computer, he comes and stands on his hind legs, tapping my arm with his paw stretched wide, demanding to be petted or to get a treat.  (He loves these dreadful “Temptations” (turkey flavor).  They stink.  He loves them.  Cali only eats “Whisker Lickin’s” which smell bad too, but she likes chicken & cheese.  Cali will kill for a ham sliver.  Smokey wants melted cheese, preferably mozzerella.

Smokey, despite the fact that he was neutered as soon as possible, has a deep seated desire to get outside.  Cali knows that it’s not nice out there, as Red’s peace treaty is not in effect outside.  Smokey keeps trying.  We put a belled collar on him to reduce his ability to sneak up & dart out, as last summer he was outside for 4 days, and had me worried.  Cali cries when he’s outside, and I just worry about him.  Our neighborhood is not a good neighborhood for a cat outdoors who is not wise about cars.  This time of year, when the weather is warm and the windows are open, he’s half insane with his desire, often standing with his nose pressed against the window fan for scents of the outdoors.

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