Pay it forward?

The past few months have been really tough for Greg and I.  We’ve been struggling, barely keeping things together.  Sometimes, it would be very easy to get very depressed about it all.  But then, I stepped back and thought about what was going on.

It’s not that we have failed, but rather I see it as a lesson we needed to learn.  Maybe me more than Greg, to be honest.  It’s a lesson in humility.  I was arrogant and reluctant to let people help me, even after becoming disabled.  I kept on insisting I could do it on my own, even when it was becoming blatantly obvious that that was not a true statement.  Still, I refused to admit defeat and give in, accepting help.  It was hard to even ask Greg to help me when I couldn’t get dressed or undressed.  To let someone else see that I was struggling was unthinkable.

I thought I was better than that, it seems.  That’s a risky thing to do, because when you don’t learn your lessons, they just get harder.

That’s what the universe did to me, it seems.  I wasn’t getting the lesson with just the physical aspect, so they delivered a secondary version.  It’s like those Ladies of Fate looked down at me and frowned, saying she didn’t get it the first time, let’s hit her in the pocketbook this time!

And then they cackled.

Okay, so I have a wild imagination.  Even so, I am convinced that they did in fact cackle.

So the financial woes hit, and as we navigated those rapids on the river of life, apparently, I wasn’t learning fast enough to suit them.  So then, Greg has his heart attack.  While he could have died, he didn’t, for which we’re both very thankful.  But it scared me and scared me good, as well as put him in the hospital for a week, leaving me to cope on my own.

It was like watching a house of cards when a stiff breeze struck them.  It all began to fall apart for me.  Greg has no idea how fragile my world suddenly became–he missed those melt downs.  I had no idea how I would cope, with anything.  The stress was killing me.  The fear was paralyzing me.  All I had was a fragile thread of hope binding us to manage to get through this somehow.

And people helped me.  Some of it was financial, some of it was emotional, and some of it was very intangible.  Even the rude people who upset me and made me angry actually were helping me, because then I had at least anger to help keep a stiff spine and keep on going.  When Greg got out, we managed to find more help to get over those first weeks as we tried to figure out how on earth we were going to get by.  Family helped too.  It seemed to be strings of minor miracles coming together, creating a ladder that looks like we might actually survive it all after all.

And I learned.  At some point in our lives, we all need help.  This is important because if we fail to accept those times, we’re also depriving someone else of their own lesson.

Because at some point in our lives, we need to help others.  It might be a small thing, it might be a bigger thing, it might even be a huge thing.  It doesn’t matter what the size is, the whole point is that by helping someone else, we’re learning how to be a little less selfish and a little more giving.  Like the Grinch…our hearts can grow a size larger.

And then, at some other point in our lives, it’s time to pay that debt and pay it forward.  I’d already been in that position.  Long ago, on several occasions, total strangers helped me, for no reason at all.  I hadn’t asked for it, even though I really desperately needed help.  I did manage to accept it graciously and thankfully.  Since I don’t even know who they were, there is no possibility of ever paying them back for that help.

Or is there?

To me, it was a case of paying it forward.  Random acts of kindness to others doesn’t hurt.  It doesn’t even cost a lot usually.  It might take a bit of extra time, a bit of extra attention, a dash of true consideration…but that’s a small price to pay really.

Because you never know when you will be suddenly thrust into walking in their shoes for a day or longer.  You never know what life is going to dish out to you, and suddenly leave you in a position of desperation and loss of hope.

I know most people get on the bandwagon for donating time and money around the holidays.  That’s really nice.  The fact is, there are people in desperate situations every single day of the year.  Get up, go and do something.  It’s like making a deposit in  your karmic bank account–and you never know when you’ll need to make a withdrawal.  Finding a cause is great, but it doesn’t have to be something that well defined.  Maybe its giving a ride to a neighbor, buying a package of diapers for a young family, a box of groceries for an elderly person, or a donation to the local food bank.  Even something as simple as carrying in a trash can for an aging neighbor might do more than spare them the effort–it might restore their faith in humanity and make them feel like someone cares.

Make a difference, somehow, to someone.  Make someone’s day a little brighter, not so that they will like you or do something for you, but just to see them smile.  You might be really surprised at the side effects that it will have on  you.

People

We went to Lowe’s today.  Greg needed some supplies, and that was where they were to be found, so off we went.

We parked near the garden center, as I wanted to explore what they had available there, as well as search their prices.  As we walked in, a young man asked us how we were and whether he could help us.  Greg was his usual smart alec self.

He asked if they sold sanity by the box.

I kept walking, but part of me regrets that now.  I should have either stood there or ran away, so I either had no clue about the rest of the conversation, or got to watch these rocket scientists in action.

I will NEVER again ask any Lowe’s employee for any help with making a decision, because I know that they also came from the same hiring process.  Sit down, but go to the bathroom first, before you read another word, if  you are prone to springing a leak when laughing hard.

The young man proceeds to tell Greg where the boxes of sanity were found.  Greg, assuming he had not heard him correctly, says no, boxes of sanity.  (emphasis on sanity)

The guy says he’s not sure what that is, so Greg, with far more patience than I would have, tells him its the opposite of insane.  He nodded sagely, and calls his companion for advice.  His companion comes up with the answer.

“We are all sold out.  It’s been on back order for two weeks.”

Now, for most people, we’d assume they were joking, right?  Just like Greg was joking.  The first guy tells the other guy that there might be some left on aisle six.  I’m starting to get very worried.  This pair might have a box cutter or something on them.

Greg starts to finally understand that they aren’t going to understand, and he tells them nevermind, it was just a joke.

Junior rocket scientist assures him that they’ll surely have it back in stock next week.

About this point, I decided that moving indoors to the seeds was appropriate.  This pair scared me, because if it turned out that they had a third brain cell between the two of them, all sorts of things might occur.

Get a book, read there how to fix things.  Do not depend on a store clerk to have a clue!

The Facebook Bubble

There are rumors flying that the Facebook bubble is about to burst, that it has exceeded its own growth potential, resulting in a speedy demise.

Maybe it has, and maybe it hasn’t.  I’m not an expert, but…I am smart enough to learn from the past.  That’s what history is for, isn’t it?

We have had a lot of bubbles related to the internet.  The dot com bubble burst some time ago.  MySpace, once the king of social networking, is pretty much history.  I have an account, but I have logged into it about twice in the last three years.  Even then, it was just to connect with someone who hadn’t moved on to Facebook, not because I cared about my own account.  I didn’t like it much, and I found it awkward and with an excessively youthful nature.  Facebook suited me better, with a more run of the mill air about it as Every Man and Every Woman took to it like ducks to water.  Now, I actually know some people who think the internet IS Facebook, never leaving its comforting pages to wander unfettered through the digital universe we have collectively created.

At the same time, people aren’t going to magically abandon Facebook unless something better comes along.  Google presented us with Google Plus, then disappointed many users as it adopted more and more features that resembled those of Facebook.  We hadn’t flocked to it for a Facebook replacement, we had flocked there to find something DIFFERENT.  Somehow, I think it may have failed to deliver what we were craving, although it does have some of the features people seek.

So what do people want?

That is the million dollar question really.  In general, among the people I have approached , they want some specific things:

Ability to connect with others with similar ideas/interests.

Ability to control how much information is made public.

Ability to integrate and yet separate their private and public personas.  (Yes, they are different!  We all have our pro side, and then we have the side who gets depressed, eats a quart of ice cream, a whole bag of chips, and vegs on the sofa for an entire weekend in their pajamas…featuring My Little Pony on the bodice.  Do we really want our co-worker and clients s to see our angst?)

The ability to share things, especially cute kittens and political  memes.  Oh, and their opinions, of course.  Often.  Without.  Thinking.

The real kicker is that it is hard to keep public and private separate, and yet it is very important.  More and more companies want to take a look at who you are on Facebook before..and after….hiring you.  There have been cases where they wanted the passwords as well, even before hiring you.  (Not sure how legal that really is, and I would object strongly, but desperation in this job market probably inspired many applicants to just give in.)  Law enforcement is looking harder at this information as well, and many people suspect that the government spies on us all continually through social media.  If so, I hope they enjoy the recipes and cute animal pictures  that litter my posts.  Oh, and MouseHunt, the one game that I keep on playing.

So, that big mysterious agency, which is called Big Undercover Liberty Limiting Special Host of Investigating Technicians (BULLSHIT for short) is watching our every tweet and post, whether its on Google Plus, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, or Secret Text Updating Data Inside Technology (aka STUPID) status update in search of covert, illegal, or terrorist activities.  That’s a big job, and it’s an important one.  After all, not even the super snooping capabilities of the latest CARNIVORE government spyware program can detect and analyze the language used inside of a cute kitten meme.  They have even found it necessary to put undercover agents into the dating sites in search of terrorists and anarchists who are using these sites to find women to marry and then obtain legal status to continue their illegal activities in the United States.

Sure they are.

The US is notorious, world wide, for their strong stance against illegal entry compared to other countries.

And I have a couple of bridges for sale, one on each coast of the USA, been in the family for a long time…

Go try sneaking into Mexico, China, North Korea, or heck, even sneak into Iraq while  you are at it.  After you have your “vacation” they’ll send you home, free of charge, right?

Wrong.

But that’s okay, we’re okay with that.  Just like we’re okay with the way Facebook is going.  Never mind that we’re already suspicious of their marketing techniques and desires to use our names and images to promote other goods and services.  We’ll happily go along with it, until the rats all find another ship to jump to.  All we have to do is figure out which ship will be the one they choose, so we’re riding along with our own cheese store, right?

At least  we know what it won’t be.  It won’t be Yahoo, MSN, AOL, MySpace, or G+.  Will it simply fracture apart, as people opt to leave the ultra populated space for smaller, more intimate and more user-responsive versions of social media?

Actually, I think that’s what I would place my bet on.  As shifts occur in how we interact, obtain our information and entertainment, how we shop, and where we work, we’re going to see that continual evolution.  Chat programs, while now usually subscription based, are becoming increasingly popular, and often oriented to topic or demographic data oriented.  We want our information and written entertainment also delivered digitally, and that creates another mode of connection.

That makes me wonder.  What if Amazon introduced a social media program, one that allowed people to discuss types of products, literary works by genre, etc.?  Would we see the rise of that type of social media connection, one provided by the seller of goods as a way to encourage people to continue shopping via their website rather than to venture into the “real world” with all of its inconveniences, expenses and dangers?

Or maybe we’ll see the right wing control factor coming into play, and instead of corporations operating the social media, it will become a government sponsored, controlled, and monitored environment.  We’ll all be tagged with our personal data, preventing any more mysterious encounters, as well as encounters of the really dangerous sort that we’ve all heard about.

The ancient Chinese may have regarded “May you live in interesting times” as a curse, but it’s our mantra.  We do live in interesting times, and who knows how they’ll be regarded in the future.  Are we going to be immortalized in unrealistic works of fiction that equate this era to the Wild Wild West that really never was what the movies portray it as?

That could be too.  All I know is that we’re going to see changes, some from evolution, others from reactionary governments.  We’ll see how our data is delivered and censored change, as well as who delivers what will change.  The wild and utterly independent voices of today’s internet radio may be silenced in the coming years, as expenses continue to rise as economies continue to struggle.  We don’t know.

But, it will definitely be interesting to watch and find out, won’t it?

 

Most people are liars?

How often do you hear someone ask you “How are you?”

What do you say?  Do you honestly answer them or just respond with the expected “fine” response?  Better yet, do they really care at all about how things are going for you or how you are feeling?

I don’t think they do.  They don’t want to hear about your problems or worries, challenges or defeats.  They MIGHT (and that’s still up for debate) want to hear about some spectacular triumph, but definitely, they don’t want to hear your honest reply about your woes or defeats.

The same thing goes when something horrible happens, people say “Oh, be sure and let me know if there is anything I can do for you!” or ask “Can I help?” While some of the offers are genuine and heartfelt, the vast majority are empty words.

So why is this kind of lying socially acceptable if not expected?  Why do they go through the lip service when there is no intentions on even listening to the response, let alone taking any kind of action?  What motivates them?

I”m not sure.  I avoid making promises that I can’t keep, and when the offers of help are made, it’s genuine, and the one that receives the offer usually knows me well enough to know what I can, or can’t, do to help them, and is expected to realize those limitations.  Is that true of family, acquaintances, etc. when they make these offers too?  Are they expecting us to realize that it is merely lip service?

How many times have you gone out of your way for someone, whether it’s to help when tragedy has struck (from car break down to something more profound) or to merely be an extra set of arms when they are moving, only to have those same friends/family members ignore your own requests for similar help later?  How many times have you had someone who has given help, whether or not you had previously assisted them, only to have them use it like a dangling guillotine over your head for eternity afterwards?

It’s easy to be generous, and then after repeatedly being left standing alongside a dark road in the rain, figuratively speaking, to become cynical and unwilling to help others. It’s that old “once bitten, twice shy” routine.  We learn by their later rejection that our efforts to assist will not be reciprocated.  It happens too often too, whether from our so-called friends or less-than-loyal family members.  Bitterness, however, does not improve your own  emotional state, nor will it improve your “karmic bank balance.”  It’s just plain not good for us.

When it happens, do we need to forget it ever happened and then the next time they ask for help, go ahead and offer it freely, knowing there is no hope of “return on investment” in the relationship?

Probably not.  Sometimes, we try to teach by example.  With those people who are only concerned about what they are getting, versus what they are giving, they aren’t going to ever get the message or lesson we are trying to share.  So should we do it at all?

Help should be freely given, without expectation of anything in return, and done with a cheerful heart.

That’s something my mother has tried to teach me.  I’m not sure I’ve totally got the lesson down pat, but…it does go a long ways towards maintaining my own contentment.  It’s still hard to accept the rejection of a plea for help, and I’ll admit–that hurt doesn’t magically disappear, but it also won’t kill me.  I’m a lot tougher than that.

The whole deal of helping others is sort of the idea behind the concept of paying it forward.  I’ve had total strangers freely offer me badly needed help, on the spot.  I often didn’t know their names and never found out.  There is no way to repay those people for the kindness they showed by putting their backs into making a bad situation better.  Therefore, by my own rules, the only way to repay those people’s kindness is by paying it forward, and random acts of kindness to strangers is one way to do that.

Okay, I’m not wealthy, and I can’t do amazing things.  Sometimes though, it is the little things that make the difference to someone.  Like giving a loaf of bread to a homeless guy, or a few dollars to someone who’s in a jam and will never pay it back.  Maybe it’s used clothing donated to someone, just because they needed something more.  Maybe it’s a ride to a guy with a flat tire and no spare, or a quart of oil to someone at a rest area.  It might be donating food or my labor to a church or organization to prepare a holiday meal for those who may not have one otherwise, whether due to living alone or lack of funds to buy the food.  It might be herding stranded travelers to an impromptu shelter at a local building.  It doesn’t matter–as long as it is help that I give freely.

You have to care.  Even if its a plate of cookies to your neighbors for Christmas, you have to put effort into it.  The gift of a smile to a stranger might be the only thing they are given all day, so why not make it yours?

Don’t promise what you won’t give.  Do more than what you think is “necessary” to make your world a better place.  If every single one of us donated just 24 hours in a year to making our communities better, we’d all be living in a world that looked a lot more like paradise.

Stop being so self-centered and selfish.

The truth is, he who dies with the most toys won’t win a damned thing.  So, what are those “toys” doing for you?  Is your fancy McMansion a happy home, filled with laughter and love?

Think about your own life.  All too often, we will look back and realize that our happiest times were often the times we thought were the “tough” times, when money and material goods were nearly non-existent and we were able to experience life with family and friends without worrying about our wallets or our toys.

Love life as it is.   Pay it forward.  Share your “toys” with others.  Life is an amazing thing when we’re no longer concerned about whether we’re going to be “wasting” our time and effort helping others.  Maybe it will make the difference to them, and maybe it won’t…but in the meantime, it will make a world of difference in the person you are now, as well as in the future.

 

The justification for rape

It’s funny, we often hear how women provoke rape because of their attire and behavior.  I find this ludicrous.  That’s no different than a bank robber defending their actions by saying the presence of the money in the bank  caused them to have the uncontrollable urge to get a gun and rob it.  It literally is NO DIFFERENT!

I hear it more and more, how women are provoking these attacks.  Maybe it is time to reconsider.

If men are so unable to control their behavior, perhaps it’s not the women’s attire, but rather that men themselves are incapable of self control.  Of course, by making this sweeping decision, we’d have to make a lot of other changes too.

Someone who can’t restrain themselves from forcing sex with someone obviously shouldn’t be able to vote.  They might see a woman at the polls, because at least in most of the polling places I have been, half or more of the workers are female.  Some of the candidates on the list  might also be female, and their uncontrollable thought patterns might be inspired by the sight of a feminine name.  So, no more men voting.

Then, we have men in political office.  Any one of them might have uncontrollable urges at some point.  They obviously are not competent to hold public office, since sex is their strongest instinct.   We may even have proof to further this point of view with so many male politicians caught up in various sex scandals, with women, other men, and with children too.  Joined with the whole issue of men not being able to restrain themselves if an attractive woman in attractive clothing should come into view.  Then again,  not all victims of rape are attractive women.  Sometimes, they are elderly women, disabled women, disfigured women, handicapped women, or just plain average women.  It might not be the clothing either.  Even nuns wearing habits have been raped.  I’d not call that garb exactly “provacative” in any sense of the word!

Of course, soldiers have historically had a reputation for raping and pillaging, dating way back to biblical times.  We would have to immediately dismiss all males from the various branches of the military too.  Obviously, we cannot expect them to work with women, see women, defend women, or fight women.  Even other men might not be too safe, if all of the old lewd jokes about sailors is true.

Men would not be allowed to roam the streets freely either.   After all, it is a proven fact that most rapes are committed by men who were not restrained.  So, all men would have to be confined behind fences and walls, or shackled for excursions into public areas where women and children might frequent.  That situation will also cause a great deal of problems, because now we’ll have a large number of dependent men who must be guarded and confined, no longer allowed to contribute to society in general except within the confines of their secured homes and the prisons that we’ll undoubtedly need to house the immense number of men who are unclaimed by a responsible female.

Of course, the issue of at what age a boy would no longer be allowed in the company of respectable women due to his increasing risk of uncontrolled urges to rape.  Most boys would probably be deemed “safe” until they neared puberty and started exhibiting signs of their uncontrolled natures.

Just think of all the freedom women would enjoy if they were released from the tyranny of these men with their uncontrollable urges!  What contributions to society women would be able to make if they were free to work, study, and socialize without the fear of this behavior!

Come to think of it, we’d probably do away with wars too, other than as a way for these violent and uncontrolled males to vent some of their aggression in non-raping activities.  With the men confined, the wars would cause far less damage to our planet and our society too, as they would have to war within their own compound area, rather than over entire countries.

While this may seem utterly ridiculous as a response to rape, so are the rapes themselves.  Rapes are a violent assault on a person, and they are also a theft of the vilest sort, as everything the victim has believed in has been shattered permanently.  No rape victim ever goes back to being “normal” again.  They will always have that scar across their psyche, permanently and viciously implanted by the callous act of another.  To let the perpetrators of this crime pour more salt onto the wound by blaming the victim is ridiculous, even if the woman was walking stark  naked down the street, any man should be able to respect her rights as a person to determine her own actions without coercion, regardless of whether there was a law or not.  Rape of men is also the same, they too bear the scars of the crime, and it will affect the rest of their lives just as it does a woman’s life.

I don’t care how many ridiculously and deliberately obtuse politicians stand up at the podium and claim that women don’t get pregnant during rape.  Ask a doctor, it CAN happen.  STDs can also be transmitted, and we all know that some of them are dreadful diseases to try and live with.  That’s just the physical results of the rape, if there is no damage done physically beyond the rape itself.  Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.  Sometimes, the victim is also damaged physically, leaving them in pain, needing reconstructive surgery, and/or permanently disfigured from the assault.  Rape isn’t a joke.  It is a violent act.  It cannot be condoned.  It cannot be ignored or swept under the rug.  The victims should not be put on trial, and I don’t care if they just finished making a porn flick and were wearing the most provocative club clothing ever seen on the streets of the town.  It cannot be justified.

So guys, you can’t have it both ways.  You are either fully capable of being rational and exercising control, or you aren’t, and if you aren’t, you should NOT be put in a position to control anything.  If I can’t trust you with my daughter, how could I possibly trust you with my government, my money, my anything?

Crawdaddy

Sometimes, I make comments about society, politics, religion, or something else of great importance.  Sometimes, I whine when I make a blog post.  On occasion, I also brag.  Then, there are rare occasions when I just tell a story.  Today, it’s one of those stories.

My son, Josh, was three the year we lived in Minnesota.  We were a long ways from the place he had called home from the time he had been born.  It was just him, his big sister, and I.  I had just moved into a small town, and we’d hired a local woman to babysit him during the day.  Unbeknownst to me, the woman we’d hired was also the town gossip, and she loved getting “the juicy stuff” on anyone.  Since I was a rarity in town as a single parent, I was being scrutinized by every woman in town from twenty to ninety, and suspected of having designs on their husbands.  While it was somewhat amusing, there were days when the entire scrutinizing thing simply became annoying.  I wasn’t husband hunting, and had no designs on any of them.

He’d been staying with her during the day for a couple of months, after we’d faced everything from me having an unexpected emergency hospital stay to him having pneumonia, and we’d gotten so we were somewhat comfortable with the whole arrangement.  One day, I came to pick him up, and he was busy watching Power Rangers, his favorite thing in the world at that moment (besides Barney, he liked Barney too.)

The woman says to me in a somewhat sly tone of voice, “So, who’s Craw Daddy?”

Now me being who I am, of course I would not have considered an ulterior motive to the question, so I assumed it was some sort of joke, so I responded that I didn’t know, so who was Craw Daddy?

Her tone achieved new heights of pompous attitude as she informed me, “Well Joshua said his daddy was Craw Daddy…”

I started laughing.  I knew my son, and I now knew what she had been doing.  She had been pumping a three year old for information that she had not dared come straight out and ask me in person.  Three year olds are not the best source of information, by the way, and are inclined to tell you anything that satisfies you so they can get back to the important stuff like worms and frogs and Power Rangers.

So, I looked at Josh and asked him, “Joshua, where does craw daddy live?”

“Under da waddah,” he said with his rather sloppy speech pattern at the time.

The babysitter’s face fell, she knew she had been had, and I wasn’t going to give up any information that wasn’t necessary…and neither were my kids.  It wasn’t that we were hiding anything, it was simply that with all of the barely masked interrogations we had been subjected to, we weren’t inclined to share anything we considered “private.”    It’s funny, but I never did coach the kids to evade questions or refuse to answer them, they just instinctively felt that some things weren’t necessary to share because it wasn’t any one else’s business.  Having come from an area that frowned on asking someone questions of a personal nature, we had a hard time adapting to living in an area that did an in depth interrogation as part of the whole, “Hi, nice to meet you” routine.  I just found someone asking me, at thirtysomething, where my parents had been born, where they had gone to school, what they did for a living, and where did they live  now…a bit too much like an interrogation.  I didn’t regard my parents as relevant to my life right then, I was far from a kid myself, and had kids of my own.    After a while, I did finally realize that it was not intended to be nosy and rude, which is how I was interpreting it, but rather to express interest in who I was.

Now the babysitter, on the other hand, was being rude and nosy entirely.  Not even the most curious person in town would consider pumping a three year old as appropriate…except the town gossip, of course.  I guess gossips don’t care how reliable their sources are, if they can find the dirt.  I suspect she was imagining some big, burly biker sort, complete with bandanna and Harley Davidson motorcycle, nicknamed Craw Daddy and probably had him a drug dealer to boot.  Gossips tend to have wild imaginations too–I always found the life that a gossip gave me to be much more entertaining and lively than the one I actually lived.  How about you?

 

Cell phones

Cell phones, those amazing little gadgets we’ve all become so dependent on, to the point that many of us no longer have a traditional land-line based telephone in our homes.

They are also something we’ve begun to get increasingly aggravated with, as carriers lock us into long term contracts with high financial penalties if we attempt to cancel the contracts for any reason.  Those contracts can look very attractive initially, but as time moves forward, and our lives change, they often become increasingly unwieldy monkeys riding on our backs.

Especially in the economy that has plagued us the last five years.

Faced with shifting fortunes, rising costs, and shrinking incomes, many people are desperate to reduce their monthly expenses, to get them to the point that their outgoing bills are less than their income.  That’s something our government isn’t very good at, not only for themselves, but for their constituents.  Corporations, however, seemed to have perfected the art of extracting blood from turnips.

With your cell phone carrier, they often have you over a barrel.  You can’t afford the monthly expense, but you certainly can’t afford the cancellation fee, or the negative notation on your credit history.  There aren’t a lot of options available, especially when you desperately need that cell phone, whether because it’s your sole connection with the outside world, or because you are searching for a job.

There are a few things, especially when faced with a temporary financial crunch, as well as some other things you can do to prevent being caught in the contract bind, while not causing undue financial hardship.

First, resist the urge to “upgrade” your phone at a reduced initial cost and renewing your contract.  This is where the cell phone companies are dangling a carrot out there, intending to keep you on THEIR treadmill.  Resist the temptation, and either continue using your old cell phone or buy another outright.  To keep costs down, you can often buy a used phone via Ebay or other outlets.  Do your research, make sure that the make and model is compatible with your carrier, as well as has some kind of guarantee from the seller that it will arrive in good condition.  You’ll still have to pay an activation fee.

If you don’t actually need a smart phone, skip the trend, stick with a basic function phone, which often can be used on a smaller data package.  These smaller plans without large data packages can save $10 or more per month, which can quickly add up.

Don’t add lines.  Each line comes with an additional contract, usually 24 months long.  If you have a need for additional phones, consider a prepaid option instead.  Then, if it turns out that it’s not needed anymore, you aren’t faced with an unnecessary bill.

If you are locked into a contract situation, and desperately need to cut your bills, there are a few options available.  Check to see if you can change the plan itself without altering your contract.  This option exists with many cell phone companies, and by switching to a basic phone with fewer bells and whistles, you can often cut your plan as much as a hundred dollars a  month.  Don’t cut it so short that you end up going over your limits however, overages are very expensive with many companies.

There is also the option of “suspending” your contract temporarily, usually up to 3 months.  This may have a monthly service charge, but it will allow you time to get your finances under control.

If you are not locked into a contract, you may want to explore other options, even if your finances and job situation looks bright and cheery.  By avoiding the contracts, you are free to explore other options as they become available, without having to wait.  That means everything from the latest iPhone to the different packages available.  It also means that if you are suddenly offered the perfect job in some exotic location, you won’t be biting off a chunk of that “early termination fee.”  Numerous companies offer prepaid plans, some even have iPhones and other smart phones available, complete with unlimited data and minute plans.  Straight Talk, available through Walmart, is one of them.  It is also serviced by the Big Three in cell phone providers: AT&T, Sprint, and Verizon, depending on your location.  If you move and your old phone isn’t served in the new area, the problem is solved by simply purchasing another phone, and you are never stuck with a two year contract that leaves all of the cards in the cell phone company’s hands.

Contracts, ranging from one to three years, have become the bane of the consumer’s life.  They are everywhere, increasingly restrictive, designed to reduce competition for our dollars for years at a time, and ultimately reducing the level of service we manage to choke out of the various corporations.  Once you are locked into their services, its virtually impossible to change suppliers, no matter how terrible their service becomes.  It’s not a good trend, especially in a world that has increasing numbers of monopolies to which the consumers are becoming enslaved.

We don’t really have a choice about our electric, natural gas, water, cable, or land based telephone service, yet these companies want to often lock us into contracts to continue receiving their services, and leave the consumer with early termination fees if they decide to move out of their service area.  Cell phone companies do the same thing, using the carrot of reduced cost cell phones to entice customers to their two year enslavement.

To make it even worse, a cell phone is locked to a specific carrier, preventing the consumer from going to another carrier and acquiring service for that phone.  That means even if you aren’t locked into a contract and have a $500 cell phone, you have to buy their service, or buy another cell phone.  Is this really fair?  After all, you bought the cell phone, not leased it.  The cost was not subsidized by the cell phone company.

Something has to be done about all of these corporate monopolies with their abilities to turn us into their indentured serfs for years at a time.  In the meantime, the only way we can avoid that trap ourselves is to carefully read the fine print, avoid contracts with penalties for early termination, and learn to pay as we go.  Prepaid cell phones are one option, and unlike the early days when their fees were outrageously high, they have become increasingly competitive.  Today, Straight Talk, one of the larger prepaid companies, is part of TracFone, and it is marketed through Walmart.  Their unlimited voice and data plans are $45 per month, with no contract and no penalties if you don’t like it, but you do have to purchase the phone, which range in cost from about $19 to nearly $500, depending on features, models, and brands.  Their customers seem to be about equally as satisfied as those who are paying $110 or more for the same service with a contract.

So what does a person really get with the additional $65?

You get a two  year contract, and a reduced price on your phone, plus a $35 activation fee.  That means that at $110 per month, you will pay an extra $1595 for that cell phone in lieu of just purchasing it and going with a cheaper prepaid plan.  Outside of that, there is little difference between companies.  Sure, there is “tech support” with your contract phone, but have you ever used it?  Did it offer you any help?

There’s another reason to consider the no-contract phone.  In the case of a Straight Talk phone, Walmart offers a protection plan that includes water & humidity damage, and costs from $6 on up, depending on the initial cost of your phone.  With most companies, the “insurance” on your phone is about $7 per month, and in the event of water or humidity damage, the replacement can cost you $100 or more, as well as has to be mailed to you anyhow.  With Walmart’s protection plan, there is apparently no deductible on the phone, which means that the difference (in 2 years) can be over $160 per month for better coverage.

Then there are the hidden charges on contract cell phone service, all of those mysterious taxes and service fees that really will surprise you, as they approach increasing the price 20-25% per month.  Without the contract, the fees are included, providing you with a manageable price per month that can be adapted to  your budget.

Sure, there are no “discounts” on the phones initially.  They have to be paid for, along with shipping (if you don’t pick it up in the store) and taxes.  But…in the first two years alone, assuming you don’t damage the phone or get a huge desire to have the latest iPhone or smart phone, you will save $1757, minus the cost of your phone.  Even the phone’s cost may not be as high as you think–it isn’t uncommon for the phone from the carrier to cost $100-300 more than your “discount”, leaving you with a big bill.  The same phone or a similar phone with similar features, may be available from a no-contract program at roughly the same price.

The no contract phones are also an excellent idea for parents with a child acquiring their first cell phone, a teen with a new cell phone, or even a college student’s cell phone needs.  It means no surprise overages resulting in bill shock.  An inexpensive phone for calls and simple texting can be a solution for a child, who is more likely to lose or damage a phone.  (Loss is not part of the coverage from Walmart’s protection plan.)  If a cell phone is lost, there are also no worries that there will be calls to Dubai and Hong Kong suddenly appearing on your bill either.  These cheap cell phones can also be considered a temporary or “throw away” solution to a short term cell phone need–if an additional phone is needed during an emergency or travel.  They also offer international plans, handy if calling out of the country, as well as plans for 3 months, 6 months, or a full  year.  Imagine trying to pay a year in advance on your contract phone!

I’ve talked to customers that have used Straight Talk, and they are generally happy with the service they have received, whether it was their first cell phone or a replacement for the contract cell phone.  I also know people with a number of other carriers, including Sprint, AT&T, Verizon, and C-Spire.  The ones with other carriers are usually not as happy, and often are chafing at the bit for their contract to end, whether for financial reasons or because another company offers a desirable service or phone that is not available with their current carrier.  Sometimes it is due to relocation, and the service available in their new area is not as good as it was in the old area, leaving them paying for substandard reception or perks such as a local store that repairs their phone.

With a no-contract service, you are still free to choose to use a traditional contracted service at any time, if it turns out that you aren’t happy with it.  The sole complaint that I have noticed with no-contract services is number portability–it can be expensive, not available, or a pain.  If this is not an issue, one way to test the waters is to buy an inexpensive phone from one of the companies and try it before terminating your contract.

The phones can be served by one of three carriers, and not all carriers are available in all areas, and even in the areas that they are available, they may not offer the same type of reception.  There are also many issues with both 3G and 4G service, especially in small towns and rural areas.  Read reviews, find out which phones are served by the company that offers the best service for your area, as well as the areas in which you frequently travel.  In my case, I know that Verizon does not service the area in which my daughter lives, and therefore, I would not consider using Verizon as a contract carrier OR via a prepaid program.  Unfortunately, both AT&T and Sprint have spotty coverage throughout the rural areas of my home state, so either one could also leave me without a signal while traveling elsewhere.  That problem is true for most of us in the United States–no carrier provides complete coverage anywhere.

In addition to prepaid plans from companies like TracFone, the cell phone companies often offer a prepaid plan.  Unfortunately, they often don’t let you use the same phone that you may have used with their contract service, requiring you to purchase a different phone (at full price, with limited choices.)  Even with that, for many people, their services may be a better option.

Avoid the contracts when possible, and keep your independence and freedom of choice–it’s the best choice for your financial future as well.  Never set yourself up to end up with a big bill by adding friends or relatives to  your contract service unless you truly are independently wealthy.  Instead, opt for the no-contract version, even if you purchase the phone and plan, you will protect yourself from unexpectedly large bills in the future.

Write your representatives and senators, asking them to offer the consumer relief from these unwieldy contracts that favor the corporations, as well as to legally unlock cell phones and make them able to work with any carrier, and removing the monopolies that plague us all.  It’s high time that corporations began being accountable for their services, rather than able to rape the consumer with high rates, poor service, and long contracts with large penalties.

How to deal with Tassimo customer service

It may come as a huge surprise, but I am often curious about those who read my blog, including those who find it via a search engine.  So, with that at the forefront of my mind, I checked the stats on this blog.  Most of them weren’t a surprise, but the really big surprise is how often people read it because of their Tassimo machine and its accompanying woes.

I can really relate to that.

I loved the machine, and despised the company and their utter lack of effective customer service.  I despised it so much that the machine was discarded.  Today, I get my coffee with a cheap $10 drip coffee maker, a stove top expresso pot or via my Melitta little plastic filter holder that sits on top of my mug and drips the boiling water through the grounds and into my waiting mug below.  If I want hot milk added, it is heated either on the stove or in the microwave, and then frothed with a little battery operated frother.

I’m certain that a huge chunk of the reason I ended up with high blood pressure was dealing with Tassimo’s customer service.

It really IS that bad.

It also made me think very hard about my priorities.

If customer service for a product is so bad that it causes me that much stress, does it really matter how well the machine performs?

In my case, I decided that the Tassimo machine was nearly the devil incarnate.  Yes, when the machine worked, I loved the coffee it produced.  I loved the convenience of having a hot latte, plain coffee, or expresso on demand, with no more preparation than plopping a disk into the machine.  That part was great.  It was attempting to order disks from Tassimo, as well as trying to deal with a malfunctioning machine, that drove me to the point of screaming fury.

Even worse, it wasn’t just once.  It was over and over as I tried to resolve issues and problems.

By the time the replacement machine arrived, there was such a bad taste in my mouth at even the mere thought of “Tassimo” that the coffee tasted like crap.  I still had several unopened packages of the coffees for the machine when I realized that until I got rid of it, it would be like some mechanical demon haunting my life, disrupting my personal pool of tranquility, and generally introducing chaos and conflict into it.

There was no other answer.

That machine had to go.  It had become my own version of “Christine” as a coffeemaker, with its own life and agenda, and they were in direct conflict with mine.  Judging from the sheer number of people searching for information on how to deal with Tassimo customer service, I wasn’t alone.  For those who want a summary of the blow by blow experience in 2010 with Tassimo customer service (and that term is used VERY loosely here!) I’ve listed the blog entries from that period of time.  The final chapter, the disposal of the machine, isn’t given its own entry.  I just wanted to get it out of my life without further incident.

1. September 1, 2010 blog entry: Consumer anger and my Tassimo coffee maker
2. September 10, 2010 blog entry: Quitting smoking and the Tassimo Fiasco update
3. September 22, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo customer service round 2 plus Slovenia, China, Asia, Mexico and more!
4. October 14, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo Customer (cough inserted here) Service–Round 3
5. October 22, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo saga continues…
6. October 26, 2010 blog entry: The Tassimo saga continues…and still no machine!
7. October 28, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo Customer Service Saga continues-the first 24 hours
8. October 29, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo does it again!!!!!!!
9. October 29, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo does it again! Part 2
10. October 31, 2010 blog entry: Tassimo miracle? IT ARRIVED
11. November 3, 2010 blog entry: To be or not to be: the Tassimo

For those who are still dealing with Tassimo and their customer service, here are some suggestions.

1. Call daily, even though it is inconvenient and aggravating.  Return the favor.
2. Write down the representative’s name, the date and time of the call, and what you are told by that representative about your problem.
3. If you get conflicting information or a non-responsive representative (almost guaranteed that this will happen) ask to speak to a supervisor.
4. Write down the supervisor’s name, as well as the date and time and a summary of what you are told.
5. Tell others about your experience, and maybe someone will be spared the indignities and aggravation that you are experiencing.  Post your reviews everywhere you can.  Some suggested locations are the retail website of the store from which you purchased the machine, Viewpoints, and Pissed Consumer.   Don’t forget Tassimo’s own website.
6. Always stay polite, even when you really wish you could climb through the phone line and strangle the representative…slowly.
7. Don’t give up.  For me, it took about two months to resolve the problem, at least “sort of” resolve the problem. Tassimo does not move quickly to give satisfaction to the consumer.
8. Above all, don’t let the experience ruin your life.  It’s aggravating, but letting companies get by with crappy customer service is also not acceptable.

With all of that said, good luck with YOUR Tassimo.  I hope your experience is better than mine was.

Sears, housing, and our economy

Sears & Roebuck…remember them?  If you do, you are probably in the same age group as me.

I’m no huge historian of Sears trivia, but when I was a kid, we had two fat catalogs that were staples in our house.  The Sears catalog and the “Monkey Wards” (Montgomery Wards) catalog.  At Christmas time, as children, we’d pour through the Christmas catalog, wishing and dreaming.

I think it was the same for my mother’s generation, and probably her mother’s as well.  Those catalogs had everything from underwear to roller skates and appliances in them.  I remember hearing stories from days gone by how the black & white pages were the best during the recycling process.  That’s when they became toilet paper in the outhouse, and I have to admit…I’m not sorry to have missed THOSE days.

I do know that long before I was born, Sears used to sell houses too.  Not like a real estate agent, but rather as kits that the proud new owner could assemble himself.  The kits came complete with plans and all of the lumber, siding, nails, windows, floors, etc.  They had a number of plans available, and once ordered, the complete house kit would be shipped to the nearest railroad station, where the new owner would pick it up in their wagon and bring home to assemble.  I guess it would be considered the ancestor of what is today regarded as “pre-fab”, manufactured, or modular housing.

Wouldn’t it be cool if such a thing was still available?  The novelty of having your house arrive in some crates, with pre-cut lumber and all of the other bits you needed to finish your house, right down to the paint?  Oh, and that it was made to conform to building codes too.

Yeah, dream on, right?

Still, with the new leaning towards smaller-is-better in terms of actual footprints, I think it’s an idea that could do with some revisiting.  The kits, built to UBC’s standards, would have a set of plans that you purchased prior to purchasing the house kit itself, to allow  you to get your permit to erect it.  Then, when you had your approval for the house to be built on your site, the kit would arrive.  Maybe there would be pre-assembled panels that bolted together, maybe it would be mostly cut-to-length lumber and other parts, but it could be done.  The directions would include which points you stop for the various inspections along the way too.  It could be done, I’m certain of it.

But Sears doesn’t sell house kits anymore.  I’m not sure if they even have a catalog anymore.  I don’t bother shopping there anymore either, and it seems that a lot of America has quit shopping there.  Have you stopped to think of why that has happened?

Even when my kids were young, Sears still did the catalog thing.  Sure, you could go into the local store and there were some things in stock to buy, but most of what I bought was ordered out of the catalog.  It arrived in the store for pickup a week or two after I ordered it.  I’d go in, pay cash for my order, and take the treasured item home with me. I ordered a number of things from Sears back then, from my boots for work to my daughter’s canopy bed.  It was easy, economical, and accessible.

Then, they closed down those Mom & Pop franchises, after they nationalized or whatever their repair process too.

Remember how reliable the Sears repair people used to be?  You called, you got a repairman out in a day or two at the latest.  Then, they did their standardizing thing, and the repairman wasn’t local and you had to call some distant call center to get a repairman, who wasn’t coming to fix that broken washer/refrigerator/dryer/whatever for at least a week.  In addition, try explaining where you are located when you live in a remote rural area to someone who has never visited your state.

They told me my address didn’t exist.  Repeatedly.

Then, when I finally DID get a repairman…he was late, rude, and generally made me very uncomfortable with being alone in the house with him.  That was the last Sears appliance I ever bought.  Catalog shopping and appliances were out with Sears, and with the nearest store suddenly over an hour away, in a much larger town, they now were competing solely with other department stores in the mall, in terms of availability, location, and prices.

For me, they didn’t make the cut.  Other department stores seemed to offer more, with more courteous service, for the same or less in terms of dollars.  I already disliked Sears, and they weren’t doing anything to win me back.

As the years went by, there were fewer and fewer reasons to go to Sears.   Then, the internet exploded onto the scene, and suddenly, catalog shopping was back, with new interactive online versions.  Payment was instant, shipping was faster, and companies could let us know within minutes if an item was in stock or not.  Who needed Sears anymore?

Well, it seems that Sears is reaping the benefits of their actions of the past.  Crappy customer service, shoddy imported goods, poor repair service habits, and boom…about all they had going for their company was the credit card.  With the economic bust we’ve had, credit wasn’t a very good business all of a sudden, as more and more people began defaulting on credit lines they could no longer afford.  Sears is in trouble, and now they are bringing in a new CEO.

Will it work?

I am not a financial expert, but I am a very experienced consumer.  Unless Sears begins to give the customer a reason to continue shopping with them, there won’t be much for repeat business.   Crappy customer service and shoddy imported goods are a dime a dozen these days–it’s everywhere.  America is about up to its gills in outsourced customer service and manufacturing too.

If Sears wants to survive, let alone thrive, in the modern times, maybe it better think about covering the basics and standing out from the crowd.  Sure, it’s cheaper to hire a call center in some foreign country, just like it is to have your goods manufactured in countries that have lower pay rates and fewer safety regulations to protect the workers, but that doesn’t mean that cheaper is better.

So what are the basics?  It starts with  your employees, that’s the ones that do customer service.  It’s the ones that make the difference in the stores and on the phone and online too.  Then, it’s what you are selling.  America wants decent goods.  It really does help if they are actually made in America.

What works for Sears is what made Mom & Pop stores across America thrive before the advent of cheap imported goods and massive discount corporations.  We’re struggling, we’re uncertain, and we want security and familiarity.  I’d rather go buy a vacuum cleaner from my neighbor than to go to a store where there are thousands of them lined up in a row and I may as well be receiving assistance from a robot as I make my choice.  I want someone who can answer my questions.  I want a company that promises and delivers service, whether it is during the purchase or when I need the item repaired.  I want to be treated fairly.

I am American.  I am a consumer.  I am their customer.

I would like to be treated with courtesy and respect.  Wouldn’t you?

I think it is long past time for these struggling stores and chains to begin recognizing that basic desire in their prospective and current customers.  There is a reason why a few companies are surviving and thriving, while others are not.  It’s not just about the lowest bottom line, despite the fact that most of us have a lot less to spend than we used to.  It’s about being treated fairly and decently too.  Going shopping should not make us feel like we’re “girding our loins” for a battle.  We shouldn’t be made to feel inferior.  When we have a complaint about something, we shouldn’t ever have a store manager claim we are an “uneducated consumer”.  (I have actually had that happen with one big box electronic store–she called me to chew me out for giving the store a poor rating after a negative experience with an ignorant clerk and very limited stock in the item I was looking for.)

Wake up, corporations.  The natives are getting restless.

Happy…something? At least TGIF!

Well, it’s the Winter Solstice.  It’s almost Christmas.  It’s the Mayan Apocolypse Day, but I’m not too convinced that even they actually thought the world was ending today.

I would rather it didn’t end today.  I’m having cocoa with my granddaughter.  She’s feeling much better after being left behind when her mother and great grandmother went to town, despite the fact she had put her watch on.  I’m not sure why a watch meant she should be going somewhere, but she has held it up as proof that the universe was all wrong at least a hundred times.

It’s nice when a few hugs, some hot cocoa, and a cartoon and the world is all right again.

We’re getting down to the wire though.  It’s almost Christmas, and we do it kind of weird.  We’ll have Santa Claus and Christmas dinner like everyone else, but we won’t exchange gifts until January 7th.  I guess we’re not too big on the lavish gifts and going-into-debt-thing though.  We do it pretty simple.

Today may not be the official apocalypse so many people have been predicting and waiting for, but…it’s cookie baking day.  We’re going to make sour cream sugar cookies for a two year old to decorate.  This should be very interesting.  Once in a while, she still remembers she got left behind…despite the magical pink digital watch.

I think her Grandma needs another one of those magical pink digital watches.  They seem to have amazing powers, even if their success rate isn’t perfect.

Christmas lights, sugar cookies, two year olds dreams, and a long winter’s night…all are coming together to make a rather magical effect.  She had her first “real” Santa Claus pictures, and they came out beautiful.  Not that her grandma is prejudiced, right?  It’s the first year she has a bit of understanding of what is going on, even if she refuses to not open a present put under the tree.

Apparently, two months ago when she turned two, we did a very good job of teaching her how to open a present.  Maybe too good.  She certainly wants to practice.

Sometimes, it’s a very good thing to connect with our inner two year old, it seems.  It reminds us that if we have the people we love, our own blanket, and a cup of cocoa…that life is just plain good.  A two year old doesn’t worry about ancient civilizations, apocalyptic events, or whether we are keeping up with the Joneses.  Our inner two year old is a much easier to please character, but perhaps it’s also a version of ourselves that is more honest and more in connection with the here and now than we’ll ever be again.

I mean that seriously.  A cake pan can be a hat, a drum, a swimming pool, a foot bath, a shoe, a chair, and a hundred other things too.  A wooden spoon can be a drum stick, a sword, a spoon, and so very much more, especially with that cake pan.  Those two items can entertain us for hours, and then become the items that those of us who have grown up and become altogether too serious have designed it to be.  That cake pan and spoon may be discarded items from someone’s cast off heap, but when we’re two years old, that doesn’t matter.  It’s magical.  It will stay magical for a few years before that two year old learns about materialism and consumerism and a few other beginning isms and becomes a proper child on the treadmill to adulthood.

Yeah.

Being two is pretty magical, isn’t it?